My Semester Abroad...in Hell

When I say I am SO OVER EVERYTHING. Like.. dear God.

This one post has taken me 3 months to write. Not from laziness but from the fact that I hardly have the time to breath in a rhythm. Can we all just take a moment to just-- *deep inhale* *labored sigh*.

That's a bit better. You can take another if you want, but I'm going to go on.

So, to keep it short in sweet, I have two main things to say: one, I started a new page on this mess of a website called "creation corner," where people can see all the projects and creations that I'm actively doing.

Two, I'm not graduating but I'm leaving Harding, which is a complicated situation in and of itself. Essentially, I don't have to stay in Arkansas for an extra semester so TRUST AND BELIEVE that when I found this out, I booked the earliest flight back to Maryland.

If you want to stop reading, you can. Nothing's forcing you. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. However, if you're here for the tea, then let me bring you a cup and let's dive into this B.S.

First things first: the creation of the Creation Creek.

Honestly, I think I partially decided to start it out of pure fear of not finding a job. I remember how my high school mentor would tell me how I was not impressive at all on paper but when people got to know my...different personality, then that's the only way I could ever get anywhere in life. (Low key, that one comment has caused so much anxiety. Lower key, the fear of that being true was the reason why I started this blog in the first place so thanks a lot Ms. Swift.) Anywhosies, I digress.

Given the fact that I don't have much longer to be in school, but I want to spend the rest of my life creating different forms of entertainment, I decided to create a place where I could create and it would hopefully reach someone that might derive enjoyment from...I don't know, me? (Me being completely vulnerable right now, I just want to make someone happy by my creations since I feel that is my sole purpose in life. Maybe I'm being mellow dramatic. I don't even know. Real talk over)

As for me not coming back to Harding, it's a long and complicated thing.

(Side note: I just realized that I don't think I ever said what my major/minor is in school so as just a FYI, as of April 2019, I am an Electronic Media Production [EMP] major and a Film Production/Political Science minor.)

So I (stupidly) added the Political Science minor at the end of my junior year. I did this for two reasons: mainly due to the fact that my internship (we have to have an "internship" credit to graduate) didn't have the right paper work and thus was never filed, meaning I would need another internship in order to graduate. The lesser reason why I added the goes back to the paralyzing fear that I will end up homeless on the streets of disparity due to not getting a job after graduation, but I'll get more into that at a different time. (My thought process is that I would add a Poly Sci minor and go to law school if I didn't get a job after a few months. [Because I totally can afford that *scoffs*])

THE PROBLEM AROSE, however, when said added minor meant that I would have to spend an extra $20,000 and (more importantly) another 6 months in Searcy, Arkansas, which I was not keen on.

After complaining, as I do, to my friend about my situation, she went to the head of our department. (I guess they're good friends.) He then came to me and explained that if I so desired, he could wave my requirements and that even though I would still graduate in December of 2019, I wouldn't have to come back to Searcy in the fall for school. Which brings us to where we are today.

Externally, I have told everyone that I'm going to take him up on his offer, but internally, I really don't know what to do. It kind of all goes back to that impending fear that I won't get a job and going back home early somewhat expidites said fear.

Have you ever been in a place where you had to make a big decision but you didn't know which one to choose? I'm asking because I'm hoping and praying that I'm not alone in my feelings. I know it might seem mellow dramatic to place so much pressure on a decision that has a seemingly minor difference between the options, but in my world, this is a big deal. Mainly because of the fear.

Oh well. Maybe I'll just drop out and join the bloody circus.

Anyways, I just had to get that off my chess. Thanks for listening. Adios cheese bags. (I've officially decided that will be my new way to sign off on posts. If you like it, yeet, and if you hate it...oh well, because I like it.)